New Year Meditations

Ideally, I would have a profound new post to share with you, filled with wise tidbits of knowledge that I have gained throughout my very full year of life. (Ideally, this would have come out on News Years day too.) But, as I sit here on my lunch break between 9 hours of teaching, I’ve realized two things- I way over-paid for this terrible americano; and this year, while full of immense change, was most profound in the tiny, unconnected moments scattered throughout the 12 months.

So, instead of writing a big post about everything that I have learned, I wanted to distill this year in a collection of moments. I hope you enjoy this little snippets of my 2019.

1. When I was in high school, I used to drink dry cappuccinos because I thought they made me seem cool; I now drink iced black americanos because they are the cheapest thing on the menu and the fastest way to get caffeine from the cup to my blood stream.
2. People are really hard to study; we think in such random and uncontrollable ways. Trying to predict what we will think about any kind of future political decision is like trying to predict the exact temperature in New Mexico on a Tuesday in June 2300 (but if science tells us anything, we can make a generally good guess that it’s going to be HOT).

3. However much I sometimes wish that personal aesthetics could be totally useless, finding a new way to present yourself to the world is thrilling.
4. Cutting off years of hair can also feel like cutting off the burdens you carried while it was growing. My hairstylist that day swept away what seemed like years of late night frustrated tears, anger and regret (their shop must have been covered in an inch of crackling straw hair; I bet they are still finding pieces wedged into random corners).
5. There is nothing in the world quite like good kimchi jjigae (kimchi stew) on a cold day.
6. There is nothing like cold barley tea on a hot day (it tastes like how a cold shower feels).
7. While I absolutely love kids, I also really, really, really, really, dislike them.
8. Some people need to read more books about how to best discipline their children.
9. Some people need to stop reading discipline books and learn how to better love their children.
10. Hugs, even if they are from teacher, can sometimes be the cure for stomach aches and tired heads.
11. Going to the Han River by yourself at night is simultaneously extremely heartwarming and unendingly lonely; all of the couples huddled together, sipping out of mugs they brought from home and admiring the glitter of the Gangnam skyscrapers; all the friends screeching and hollering and laughing and crying and hugging as they binge on fried chicken and cheap soju. Sitting alone amongst all of this reminds you that there are so many ways to be happy, to be together. It also reminds you that you are not a part of it.

12. No matter how stressed you are, you always have time to gather around squeaky couches and watch absurd movies about the Jersey Boys for 3 hours, suffering together for the sake of your best friend.
13. It isn’t always just in your head; sometimes, there is actually something wrong and you need help to fix it.
14. The sun shining through fall leaves will always and forever put a huge smile on my face. It doesn’t matter where in the world I am, the oranges, yellows, and reds sparkling in a kaleidoscope of seasonal wonder…. yeah, fall is still my favorite season.

15. Writing a thesis is hard.
16. Like
17. Really really hard.
18. Writing a thesis is easier when you have friends to suffer with. Misery really does love company (shout-out to: Alice, Kayla, Renee, Nina, Evan, Haden, and so many others).

16. Spending extended periods of time at home with your parents isn’t as bad as popular culture would make it out to be.
17. The main downside with spending so much quality time with your parents is that it makes goodbyes so much harder (especially when you aren’t totally sure when you are going to see them next.)
18. Large scale protests begin with a few people caring about something so much that they burn with the need for change.
19. The Class of 2019’s graduation picture is going to go down in the history book as epic. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, look at the very back of the picture and find the massive white banner calling out the university’s disgraceful practice of investing in fossil fuels and the prison industrial complex. #Divest

20. This year has been a fantastic mix of ups and downs. Though, as I look back through all of my memories stored on my various devices, I think that this year was filled with generally more ups than downs. It is gratifying knowing that even as difficult moments in my life happen, they will not be there forever. Just like this last year flew by before my eyes, this too shall pass. Before we know it, the first year of this brand new decade will be coming to a close, and I will be looking back at another 365 days of this rollercoaster life.

That is my list of the moments of my year. It is no where near complete; I could have honestly written hundreds of moments considering everything that has stuck with me this year. But these seemed to cover the gamut of my experiences; the average of my year, so to speak.

Next year, who knows, maybe I’ll have my life together enough to post this on New Years itself…

(Doubtful, but if this year has taught me anything, it’s best to look forward with a little dash of hope for change.)

(21. WAIT! 2020 is a leap year!!! 366 days!! What a concept)